Living in Hope

I want a baby! Now actually that phrase doesn't even begin to express my desire to have a baby. I really wish I was able to express myself in writing the way my hubby can. In just a few words, he can paint a picture that could tell you his whole life story! However, this is just me, being me. I know my blog has changed forms many times. My life has taken many twists and turns, but the one constant in the last 10 years has been my desire to be a Mommy. I've actually wanted to be a Mom for as long as I can remember, but for reasons I may never fully understand, it just hasn't happened yet. I know that my weight was the main reason. And I know that God's timing is always perfect, but I really wish I had been able to have my surgery earlier in life. On that note, I have lost 105 pounds total, and I feel better than I have in a long time. I still have a lot more weight to lose, but it feels great to be in sizes that I haven't seen in almost 20 years. I have lost 5-7 pant sizes and 4-5 shirt sizes. (It all depends on where I shop!) That part has been totally fun!

Now back to baby, in April my Mom came to visit. Her first weekend here, we went to Atlanta to Celebrate my Birthday/Easter. We had a blast! I love Atlanta, it's such a fun city! Our first morning there, I had a dream in which I saw our Baby Girl. I really can't express what it was like to see her. I have felt for a long time that we would have a girl first, and a very trusted special friend in my life has also had a dream of this sort about my baby girl. When I woke up I just cried and told James over and over that "I saw her, I saw her, I saw her". She looked so much like her daddy, that there was no denying who she was. Now I have had a lot of dreams about me having a baby. I guess because it's always on my mind, It comes out in my dreams. But this was the first one that I actually saw my baby. And it was the first one that didn't completely devaste me. Something stirred inside of me that morning. It created an excitement in me that I would never have allowed myself to have before. I knew that morning that she was coming sooner rather than later. And since then I have this feeling of expectation and excitement. For the first time ever, my dream really feels tangible, and I know we are so close to seeing our promise fulfilled.

So that is the renewed purpose of my blog. I'm living in HOPE. My friend Katie helped me make my blog "pretty". And in doing so, we found the verse Acts 2:26. This leaped out at me! Especially the part that says "My body will also live in hope". Because that's where I am at. I'm getting everything ready for our miracle, and my body will also live in hope! Now don't get me wrong. I still have my days. Sometimes Hope does elude me, and you may come on here and find my blog a little down for the day. But don't fret. Just realize that any Journey where your hope is deferred is a very emotional, hard road. Full of ups and downs. But I promise I will always be honest. Even it makes me look like less than a perfect Christian. But if I can't be real here amongst friends, than where can I be real. Thanks for reading. It really does help to share! ~ Amanda